Outfit: Stop saying everything is fine

Everything is fine…

scarf – Charles Vögele* / Jeans – Topshop / jumper & jacket – Asos / shoes – Melvin & Hamilton / bag – Picard Vintage
photos by Julien

I’ve probably said the word a million times: Fine.

Looking back now, I can admit that I don’t always say what I mean. Even when things are very clearly not fine, I find it extremely difficult to express this to others. “I’m fine,” I say. “Nothing’s wrong.” And then I’ll probably be silently sad or angry for the next few hours and the anger keeps growing.

Sound familiar? Pretending everything’s fine and appears to be a common trait in women, so much so that the word seems to have turned it into a common idiom. Why don’t women just say what they really want to say?

We define “crazy” as anything that isn’t perfectly calm and collected.

 

I think, in a way, it comes down to what women are taught that makes them desirable. Desirable women are cool and laid back, right? Desirable women are absolutely nothing like the other girls, who are over emotional and just plain “crazy.”

Having emotions or being emotional doesn’t make a person crazy, but we perpetuate the idea that it does when we define crazy as anything that isn’t perfectly calm and collected. And often we don’t want to make us vulnerable, right?

You should feel comfortable talking about the things that matter to you. No, I don’t mean you should unload all of your problems on your work colleague who casually asks how you are when you pass each other in the hallway or gym. I do mean that you should stop pushing aside your emotions as stupid or invalid. The people who care about you don’t just want to hear about how “fine” you are every day.

And isn’t being “fine” all the time sort of boring, anyway? What good can we accomplish if we limit ourselves to the half-hearted platitude of “fine?”

Hiding our emotions might make us seem happier, but it won’t make us happier.

We won’t find inspiration in suppressing our feelings. Hiding our emotions might make us seem like happier people, but it won’t actually make us happier. My guess is that effectively communicating when something is wrong stands a much better chance. Ans also won’t lead to misunderstandings or even more arguments.

The next time I’m upset and am about to tell someone “I’m fine,” I’ll stop to think about it first. I don’t want to lie just because I think that’s what people want to hear. I want to be a woman who feels things. I want to be a woman who has a voice and isn’t afraid to use it.

This sounds grown up – but that is what I want to be.

Do you also encounter this attitude with “being fine”? I’m curious to read your thoughts!

To the last melancholy post I think this outfit currently still reflects my mood. However, even if I don’t feel always fine I won’t let it pull me down. For now I’m looking so much forward to shoot new inspiring spring outfits and having a prolongued weekend 🙂